The Truth Hurts.. pretty bad.

I haven't cried yet..

Well... I cried while the crisis was taking place. I cried because of what was happening.

I haven't cried about what happened yet..

To think of what is going to happen, makes me want to cry.

That dog is my life.

And though it may be hard to believe.. That cat was my life.

I'm beginning to realize what my parents must have been feeling all those times I screwed up. The last "family meeting" suggested having me legally barred from the house. Kinda like getting rid of one of the kids cuz they're out of control.

Do I have to get rid of her?

Did I think I would be asking that question a year & a half ago? no. i didn't.

I suppose it's my fault for the way she is. In puppy school, we were taught the importance of consistency. Our dogs are never to stop working for us. (so to speak) This didn't mean work couldn't be fun, it just insured an easier relationship between you and your dog.

Well... much like my own personal school days, once they were over.. They Were Over.. Did whatever the hell I wanted to.

Apparently, I let Bella do the same.

This has become a pretty serious problem. I'm afraid to consult with a professional because after the first "Bella vs. Johnny" incident, there shouldn't have been another.

And there really shouldn't have been another one after that.

THIS HAS TO STOP!

Just because I gave Johnny a hard time pretty much all the time, doesn't mean I wanted him to leave us. Or rather, taken from us. Sure he annoyed the shit out of me, but I still loved him. If anything, I loved him for loving my mom like he did. (even though he usually annoyed the shit out of her as well) Molly has Chloe. I have Bella. And my mom had Johnny.

I feel like a heartless bitch. I'm not a heartless bitch. I just don't know what to say...

To my mom or my sister.

I didn't get to say anything to Johnny.. I couldn't.

No pet lives forever. I understand this..

But this is exactly what I DIDN"T want to happen.

He didn't deserve this.

He was here first. He never tried to hurt anybody.

I wish I would have went out in the garage to say good-bye..

I couldn't look at him knowing that it was my fault this even happened.

Will he forgive me?


I don't know what I feel.

What are you supposed to do when your dog (huge part of your life) takes the life of your cat (another part of your life)?

It doesn't seem fair.

This is my fault.

I'm sorry Johnny Boy... I really am.

I didn't want it to have to end this way..


Gone But Not Forgotten.

Johnny Boy
February 1998 - July 2006