I CAN"T SEE!!! what's wrong with me?

I'll tell you what's wrong. I've been stuck in this damn apartment for 300 days (aka 12 hours). YAY! I'm a bit hungry, I have 2 cigarettes left, i need a haircut and a puppy, I have no money, and my EYES are dying. I think it's because I haven't changed my contacts in a month, and I dont' have any new ones to put in, so therefore, this is a problem. My new name is Cecilia by the way. Well, to this one girl anyway. I'm not sure what to think about this one girl. I can't even think of her name to be honest. Cassidy? something like that. Anyway... I'm pretty sure she's around the age of 19 or 20, but she talks like a 1 year old. I get the feeling that she does this to be cute, and get attention. I feel bad for her. If I wanted attention, I would set myself on fire and run around this place singing FireStarter by Prodigy. But that's just me. Come to find out, she's one of those "ravers". So my critical comments on glow sticks,stomping, bad boy bill, pacifiers, beads and cuddle puddles didn't fly with her. She actually took offense. Whoa! So anyway, a little earlier she decided to invite herself over. After that, she decided to lean over my shoulder and butt in on my conversation I was having with my sister. Now if I wasn't so hung up on physical violence being the worst, most immature way of handling conflict, I would have kicked that bitches ass. (or try to anyway, im not very tough) So anyway... the reason i'm so agile is because everytime my sister would IM me back, that stupid girl would make some totally out of line & untrue comment suggesting that my sister is some kind of retard. YEAH! Let's not forget who talks like a baby to get attention from guys. (that aren't even cute) Anyway.. my sister IM'd me something about Chemistry and some equation, I forget. I just remember it had a lot of big words in it. So, the girl starts laughing, and goes "What's really sad is, this girl has no idea what she is talking about." (this is when I wanted to break the on her face)But I remained calm, and explained to her that my sister is everything but dumb. She's probably smarter than everyone in the apartment. And that's sad because there was about 8 of us. Her response.... "She's your little sister, she's a kid" (now Im pissed) I thought to myself... "who are you calling a kid, trick? You have the vocabulary and tone of voice of a 1 year old." Ya! I was also under the impression that she was trying to play buddy buddy with me, and talk bad about my sister. But I let her calmly explained to her that it would be best if she left, considering she wasn't invited in the first place, and that my sister is my best friend and I have alot of respect for her. Which is way more than I could even imagine saying about herself. I also let her know that there was no chance in hell that me and her could ever be friends, so she may as well quit trying. She's was only making herself look pathetic. And she wants to avoid that if at all possible, unless she decides to grow up and drop the whole toddler thing. And even then, I still wouldn't talk to her, so I told her not to come around me anymore. Well... I'm mad now and don't feel like discussing this anymore. Bye Bye for Now!

So far... Not so good.

Good News!! One more person in which I love thinks Im a screw up. I can't even park a car correctly. What's wrong with me? I mean, I know how to park a car, I took drivers ed. Maybe I was just being lazy & wreckless. Or maybe I was just in a rush. Or maybe Im just taking the blame (once again) for something I didn't do. (it's because Im weak, and just let people walk all over me instead of sticking up for myself) The reason I don't bother trying to help myself is because it's pointless. No matter what I say, whenever I say it, or to whom ever I say it to......... Im Wrong! And now Im acting like he doesn't want me to get a job. Hmm... Correct me if Im wrong (which I probably am) but I shouldn't get a job in Houston if I live in Dallas. And ever since me and him had the discussion on me needing to get a job (which was about 3 weeks ago), we have been in Houston. We went to Dallas for like 3 days but what was the point in getting a job then if Id have to ask for my first week off? It's not like I haven't done any research on jobs in dallas. I found a bunch of places that I really want to work at. But im in Houston. ***This just in........ I should be at home right now (in dallas that is)*** Im never where Im supposed to be. Im never doing what Im supposed to be doing. Im never talking about what Im supposed to be talking about. Im never eating what Im supposed to eat. Im never sleeping when Im supposed to sleep. Insubordination. That's obviously one word you could use to describe Mallory.

Anyway....... Enough about me being the biggest waste of space.

I had a pretty good time yesterday. It's was my little sister's 18th birthday. My mom, dad, chloe and I all drove up to College Station to visit her. The trip actually went pretty smoothly. I was suprised! My dad used to hate animals, but now..... I don't know if that's entirely true. He took Chloe for a long walk while me and mom went inside H.E.B for balloons. And he actually let her in his car. Weird! I felt like such the outcast while in College Station. (not just because I wasn't sporting maroon A & M attire) But because everyone there had a plan. Everyone there was also younger than I am. But I don't have a plan. I want to have a plan, but things just never seem to work out in my favor. College/campus life is so happy. It's like one big family. Everybody knows eachother, everybody is extremely friendly, and best of all...... everybody is doing something with their life. I felt like I was wearing a big sign over my head that said "20 year old LOSER!"

But enough about me, it was good to see my sister happy. I don't think I will worry about her as much anymore now that Ive seen her dorm room and met her roommate and experienced "aggieland". I think she'll be okay. Im glad we were able to bring Chloe. I know that was the highlight of Molly's birthday. Seeing her dog. I know it would be the highlight of my birthday. Actually, it would be the highlight everyday for me to see my dog. (if I had one) Which brings me to my next reason for being "not so happy" in life........

*A dog. (an american pit bull- blue nose preferably)
Im pretty sure I won't be getting one. EVER. Well as long as Im with Allen. And since I don't want to lose Allen, I guess I just wont have a dog. I just wish he wouldn't joke around about me getting one like he does. He doesn't realize how important a dog would be to me. He doesn't care, probably because he doesn't like dogs as much as I do. But I don't think he should rub it in my face that I'll never get one. It really hurts my feelings. I miss my dog Boy. I miss him alot. I just wish Allen could respect my feelings about it a little more. Oh Well. I still have Chloe "the cuteness", which I get to see every other week or so. I wish I could see her more, but I can't complain. Well.... I could "BLOG" all day long about dogs and everything else but I won't.

Back to sitting at this couple's apartment and listening to them fight, and me feeling uncomfortable, and needing to take a shower, and my boyfriend making me feel like a complete screw up.

Hi Guys! This is my first time........ My name's Mallory by the way.

This whole "BLOG" thing sounded like a good idea when my sister introduced it to me the other day. But after deciding to "BLOG" on my own..... I don't know what to do. Maybe Im just not familiar with the word "BLOG". Maybe it's not even a word. Maybe it was something someone made up. Maybe it's because they were being creative. Maybe the whole idea of this "BLOG" business is to be creative. Maybe I'll stop thinking about this so much and...... BLOG IT UP!